Kanon Jiwa 19
Is it possible to extract or write down an entire personal understanding of God in a single session of writing? Is there even any value in it? I do not think that there is any value in it. The Temple is defiled, and so the Presence leaves the Temple. That is all there is to it to my sin, which is heresy in practice. I am better off asleep, rather than doing whatever it is doing I am doing. The song that I am listening to inspires hope, perhaps even Hope. Yet, amidst the darkness, the rubble, the ruins of the temple, can there truly be any kind of hope?
I am such a fickle
thing. I have been shattered over and over again, by my own faults, by my own
sins, and the Lord has come and put me back together over and over again. He
always succeeds in putting me back together.
However, I have one
desire, that is to truly repent and change. Lord, hear me! Move me to truly
repent and change! I will make this an eternal petition of mine, until I truly
change and see change in me. That is my Faith and Hope in You, oh Lord. You
have instilled grace in me, that which I recognize, that I can and will repent
and change by your grace. You have instilled the grace of hope and perseverance
such that I will not lament in despair again. I saw that grace, and I took it.
It hurts, but I will fight through this accursed war. I will not give up to the
devils, and I will not join them in hell. I was born a Catholic, and I shall
die Catholic!
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