IgnasProject 1

 

Offering to God

O my Lord Jesus Christ, all of this writing, this endeavor to love myself by knowing myself more, in accordance to Your Word, is offered and done only for Your Glory and Your Honor. I pray that You shall accept my work, however unworthy it is. I thank You oh my God, for the graces that You have given me so I can make this work and so I can understand myself better. O God, give me the grace necessary so I can be persistent, consistent, disciplined, and persevere in working on this project until I die. If I one day fall away from this project, bring me back, oh God, and lead me back where I must work. Thank you, my most beloved God, amen.

My Name

Ignas Christianto Galih Prasetyo. Such a wonderful and beautiful name! Yet even so, that name does not come from myself, but it comes from God through my parents. My parents act as the intermediary of God granting me a name so I may have an identity, a self. I once loathed my name, but now I cherish it as an essential and wondrous aspect of my identity. Even so, it is still nothing compared to the Most Holy Name of God, that is Jesus. My name has great meaning and is highly Trinitarian. It is a most Christian name, but at the same time, it is a most human name as well, showing the motion of man coming from the Holy Spirit (Ignas/Ignis/Fire) up to being a Christian (Christianto) and finally returning to the Almighty Father (Galih/Strength). It is ended with the oath of loyalty (Prasetyo) to the Most Holy Trinity.

Treated amongst themselves, my name of Ignas and Galih points to my identity. Ignas represents fire, the fire of love which I have for God. Galih represents strength, that is the strength of the Holy Spirit which rules over me and fuels me throughout my life such that I can trust in Him all of my life and be resurrected even when I die. The name Ignas is also a reference to the great Saint Ignatius of Loyola, and perhaps even older to the Church Father Saint Ignatius of Antioch. The repentance of St Ignatius of Loyola was remarkable, a great departure from earthly honor to heavenly glory. By a cannonball he was converted. And so I inherit that spirit from my namesake, Repentance Through Darkness. That is all I can say of my name, a precious gift of God.

What I Currently Know of Myself

Not so much, for whatever I know of myself is a grace of God. All of my existence is a grace and gift of God. Yet as it seems God has revealed to me that great self-knowledge is not the most important thing of life. One can be totally ignorant of the self and as long as he has great love for God, he shall be saved. For while knowledge of the self may build upon faith, greater is the faith which does not see at all yet perseveres. In any case, even so it is God who moves me to write and seek myself further, so I may know further who God is and who I am so I may love both in the proper order further.

Some basic historical data, I was born in Jakarta, Indonesia, on Saturday, the 6th of September in the year of Our Lord 2003. So at the time I am writing of myself in today 12 July 2023, I am around 19 years and 10 months old. It is because in 2 months more or less I shall turn 20. What a most gracious gift of God that He has granted me 19 years and 10 months of life! Yet so small have I done for Him and so great He has done for me. If only He shall allow me and empower me to serve Him more so I may fulfill my duties to Him even more.

In the early years of 1 to 2, I lived in Cileungsi, somewhere near Bogor, south of Jakarta. From then until now I live in the humble suburb of BSD, in Serpong, South Tangerang, Banten. That is all about my location. Now, moving on to what I know of myself. I will not write an extensive history of myself. That is designated for a future section. Instead I wish to write of my current self and my current person, what I know of myself as God has enlightened me with His most loving grace.

I am a human being, distinct from the Lord God Jesus Christ, in the hope that I am currently within in the state of grace and thus united with the Lord God yet remaining in distinction from Him. Hereby I declare my rejection of all fantasies and imaginations of the devil which he tried to manipulate me with and so the demonic propaganda that tries to make me equal to the Lord Jesus Christ Himself. For this reason I emphasize and declare oncemore that I am not Jesus Christ, I am Ignas Christianto Galih Prasetyo and that is who I shall be forever, for all of eternity. As for my qualities, I shall write them down as much as I can, as much as God allows me to.

I would not call myself the best in anything, though by pious tradition it may be that I will in heaven enjoy an expertise that I alone excel in. However, many people have applauded me and praised me for my extensive knowledge in many things. For one, I have great theological knowledge, yet I must say on my own that I have not such great knowledge and there are those who have much superior knowledge than my own. In fact, I would say that as opposed to St Thomas Aquinas who was falsely called a Dumb Ox, I am a true Dumb Ox. For I sought God with pride and not with humility.

So now I have a deep weakness, and that is a sort of self-loathing and perhaps even self-hatred. I know very much that it is a demonic thing to do. Yet I cannot help but lament and have sorrow over my sins. Sins committed by pride and ignorance and weakness. Yes to the Most Holy Trinity entire I have sinned. With sins of sexuality detailed by fornication, pornography, and masturbation. Sins of pride and despair, by assuming God unto myself, despairing upon God Himself, and my pride against teachers. But above all is the hatred of the self, not in any good way, but in the desire to destroy myself and to be God Himself. As opposed to the desire to replace God with my ego, it is to replace my ego with God Himself.

Yet in the midst of that darkness, God reminds me that I have great mastery of the theological virtues, my faith, hope, and love in God. For in these past months I have been greatly tested through various demonic attacks and delusions. Yet I persevered in the faith, hope, and love in God. In fact, when I have sinned, when I have lost faith in the Church, it was all done in the direction of God. And so I was forgiven for all of those sins for regardless of the lack of knowledge, I still persist in the faith, hope, and love. Everything I did was simply in my desire to honor God and glorify Him.

Noted 12 July 2023, 15:55. This is all I can write of myself for now.

Next Plans

·       My relationship with my family

·       My friends and my loneliness

·       History

 

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