2023 Ash Wednesday Spiritual State
In the name of the Most Holy and Most Merciful Triune God. Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end, amen. My brothers and sisters in Christ. This is an account of my current spiritual state, written in the guidance of Christ in the Holy Spirit by the grace of the Father. It began on this day, Ash Wednesday, 22nd of February the year of our Lord 2023. I was attempting to practice Catholic mysticism using the Jesus prayer, the one that says, “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me a sinner.” I have prayed it in repetition before in my soul when I am not using my mind, such as in commutes or in the shower. In the early morning, I shut my room and the lights and I prayed it again.
I had no real
expectation of what is going to happen, but in the beginning I felt this great
spiritual burning, some sort of purification. So I felt tired and I stopped
reciting the prayer. It is at that time that I perceived something unusual in
my mind. There was an inner sound, which was unclear, it felt like something
was going out of me up to heaven to God. Then I realized that my soul was still
praying in the subconscious mind even though my conscious awareness is no
longer reciting the prayer. While I recognized the subconscious prayer as the
Jesus Prayer, it really isn’t. Instead it is the silent prayer, the lifting of
the self to God.
So I decided to report
this situation to some friends, and some of you are already witnesses to my
situation. Yet as I reported, I perceived this unimaginable peace. My emotions
are in fact, obliterated, the passions had gone away, and what was left was peace
and joy. While my emotional state is neutral, I recognized that this is a new
spiritual state in my relationship to God. It is no longer the old, it is a
renewed relationship. This state is that of a deep intimate union with God, even
if there are no sensible experiences. Yet the intellect recognizes that union,
the divine indwelling, and from that recognition proceeds peace and joy of
Christ.
It is at this moment
that the deep pain and suffering of my life culminated into a beautiful flower.
I realized that I no longer need extraordinary experiences in the old way I
understood them. Visions, prophecies, tongues, and apparitions are no longer
necessary for me. For I have possessed what is highest and higher than all of
them, that is God Himself, Love Himself. I have witnessed the essence of God,
even if through a parted veil, and so my life is fulfilled at this moment. I possess
not a desire of myself, only a purpose to honor God and serve my neighbor. For
Christ has revealed His complete love for me and I simply bow before His eternal
glory. To live with God and in God and God in me is superabundant for me. God knows
me and I know God, all that is left is to do His will. Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, as it was in the beginning, is now, and
ever shall be, world without end, amen.
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