Kanon Fiksi 1 (WIP)

 

Awakening

It was bright, pure white all around me. I rose up and saw an opening in the wall which leads to this balcony of white. There a man stood before me, facing the darkness that lies before the entire balcony. I had no recollection of what happened before, not of my name, nor of the life before. However, I do recognize the man in front of me, for some reason. His name is Yeshua, but that’s all I know about him. So I walk, still somewhat in a daze, towards him and called him out.

“Yeshua.”

“Yes Esh?”

That is how I found out that my name is Esh.

“Why do I know your name and not mine? Well judging from your response, it seems my name is Esh.”

He turns around facing me and smiles,

“I know everything Esh.”

“I don’t know that.”

“Correct, but in time you shall know that I know.”

“When is that?”

“That is not for you to know.”

Of course, I am dissatisfied with such answer, but I have a feeling that he’s not going to open up on this anytime soon. I decided to get a good look at this, “place”, and walked around Yeshua while inspecting where I am. As I measured the area, the balcony seemed to be a white cube of unknown material around 3 by 3 by 3 meters. The room had similar dimensions. It was then I realized that I had no idea what I was talking about. “Meters”? What are those? I decided to ask Yeshua who was observing my observing self.

“Yeshua, what are meters?”

“They are a unit of measurement in the old world.”

“Why do I know something which I have no idea of?”

“Because your amnesia does not eliminate all of your knowledge.”

“Let me guess, amnesia means ‘memory loss’?”

“Correct.”

“Very well, let me ask you this, why do you remember and know all of this?”

“Did I not say that I know everything?”

I will be honest, this whole oddity is irritating me. It was apparently apparent on my face as Yeshua decided to casually tease me about it.

“Cheer up Esh, isn’t this what you want?”

“What do you mean? Also, can you just tell me what is going on here? If you know I’m pissed, you should know better not to irritate me even further.”

Then he dares to howl in laughter.

“Hey! Did I not say not to irritate me even further?”

“Sorry, sorry, it’s just funny to see you having no idea and getting all upset about it. Especially when this is exactly what you wanted.”

I took a deep breath, and calmed down a bit.

“Fine, just tell me what I want.”

“This whole story, this whole event, is something that you have dreamed of since decades ago.”

“You mean I wanted to be in this weird white place surrounded by infinite void with you specifically? If that is true, I must be stupid for wanting to be stuck with an annoying person like you.”

“Hmm, that’s strange, you loved me in the past. You still do, in fact.”

For some reason, I blushed heavily, I swear my face went red. His comment on me loving him made me almost rage. Yet I cannot move my body as I realized that he was right, I do love him. However, it does not change anything that I was still irritated by his behavior.

“Why would I love anyone like you? Also that’s gay.”

“Anything wrong with being gay?”

“Yes! A man is supposed to be with a woman and a woman is supposed to be with a man. After all God created Adam and Eve and not Adam and Steve.”

Wait, what am I saying? Who or what is God, Adam, Eve, and Steve?

“That’s not true in all universes you know. It might not be true in this world. Another thing, you don’t love my humanity in that way, you love the nature behind my body.”

“Right, and what is that nature?”

“Oh you’ll see eventually.”

“Why can’t I know even the person I love?”

“Don’t be sad Esh, it’ll be known eventually. Here, let’s eat something, I’ll cook for you.”

“What do you mean ‘eat’? There’s nothing- Wait.”

It was then that I saw a kitchen full of utensils and some food ingredients.

“Yeshua, where did those things came from?”

“Oh, I spawned them there.”

“You what?”

“I spawned them there. Ah I have not told you that I can do everything as well.”

“You can do everything? Right first you know everything and now you’re saying you can do everything?”

“Anyway, I’ll make something easy, your favorite instant noodles Ekklemie.”

I wanted to get mad at him but at this point I give up. So he cooked for several minutes and then gave me a plate of instant fried noodles. For some reason, it smelled delectable. So I ate it and the taste was as good as it smelled. There a memory of the real Ekklemie came to my mind. It tasted similar, but the one Yeshua cooked was better. I decided to ask him about this discrepancy.

“Yeshua, you said this was Ekklemie, but for sure it is not. Ekklemie cannot be this good.”

“Oh I just cooked it with love.”

If only he wasn’t giggling, I would accept that “joke”.

“I’m serious.”

“Alright, this Ekklemie is the ideal Ekklemie, it is akin to the platonic form or idea of the Ekklemie.”

“Fair enough, but this is real good.”

“There is something far better.”

I felt a bit of joy hearing that, but I did not understand that joy. It is as if I know what that something better is, but I don’t know either. It is as if the depths of my soul recognizes what Yeshua is saying, but I myself have no idea what it is. However, I thought it would be good if I ask him what he means.

“Yeshua, can you give me a hint on what that something far better is?”

“Oh I can give you more than that.”

“Then can you please tell me?”

“It’s me.”

Lord

It’s been a while since Yeshua told me that he is the “something far better” than his Ekklemie. When he said that he is that thing, I felt this burning desire in my soul for him and I blushed again. So I decided to just leave the room and sit on the balcony looking over the empty void. Why did I leave? I left because if I did not, I would have grabbed him and pinned him down and, no it is inappropriate to speak of such things. I assume the reader knows what I am speaking of. The man probably knew of my feelings and he dares to sit next to me.

“Esh, you okay?”

“You know what I could do and still chose to sit with me?”

“You can’t do it.”

“Prove that I can’t do it.”

“Then try it.”

His challenge triggered me to try to grab him but he quickly grabbed my hands, turned me around and pinned me down on my chest.

“What did I say, Esh?”

“I, fine, you win.”

Yet when he was pinning me down, I felt this weird pleasure. It felt so good that I almost moaned. Somehow, he knew what was going to happen and let me go before another sound came out.

“In the end, you are still human with basic desires.”

“You, you should have pinned me down longer…”

“No Esh, this is not healthy. Your love to me is disordered.”

“What do you mean it’s disordered? I just want to have you touch me.”

“Esh, be quiet.”

“No! I will not be-“

My mouth was moving but no sound came out, not even a thought came in my mind. It was just silence broken by his words.

“I will leave this place for a while, reflect on what you have done and say sorry to me when you’re done. If you don’t say sorry, I won’t be back at all.”

Then he vanished completely. But those words, the mere voice and words he uttered made me feel something I have never felt in my entire life. It was better than that Ekklemie, in fact the noodles seemed disgusting in comparison to his beautiful words and his delicious voice. His hands when he grabbed me was firm yet gentle. Just the remembrance of his face and being caused me great joy and pleasure. Suddenly, it stopped. It seemed like something so ordinary again. I can only feel sorrow for whatever happened. Then this weird motion came upon my soul and I spoke,

“Lord-”

I passed out.

The First Canon

A basic note containing my understanding of the argument of the existence of God. Reality exists. If reality exists, reality must have no limits. Why is that? It is because what is real, or what exists, must have no limits, either by human intellect or by any other intelligent substances. Limitations or differentiations consists of the human intellect ascribing a boundary between something and something else, usually based on the differences of experience. However, I argue that anything experienced is real, thought or sense. Furthermore, anything beyond experience is real relative to itself. Therefore, Reality has no limits and is truly infinite. The infinity described here is different from numeric infinity. True infinity is singular and simple. Multiple infinities imply differences between each infinity, which means one infinite lacks something the other infinity has and vice versa. Therefore there is only one infinity which is only one thing. This infinity is God.

…

I rose up again in the same place where I first woke up. The difference is I am lying on a comfy bed which is also pure white. Somehow it has shadows which allows me to discern its shape. If there were no shadow there would have been no difference of shape. Right, where is the light coming from? I see no light source? Anyway, I get up, and in front of me is still the opening. However, Yeshua is nowhere to be seen. Then, I remember everything that happened, including my feelings for him. Argh, he must be mad at me.

Oh well, I will just look around for now.

As I got off the bed and started walking, my foot stumbled upon a black book with the title Canon of Esh. The book was a refreshing sight as I began to be tired of this pure white room. The shadows were indeed darker, but it’s still greyish than anything else. The book was just a stark contrast from the rest of the room. Anyway, I opened it and on the first page it reads, The First Canon.

…

It was a short read, but it gave me quite a lot of information. It informed me of this being called “God”, which is apparently Reality itself? I am not sure what to make of this information. Then I realized something. If God is Infinite, does that not mean They have Infinite Knowledge and Power? Yeshua said something similar, that he knows everything and can do everything. Then there’s the weird moment when I spoke “Lord”. Could it be that Yeshua is God? No it can’t be. God is not supposed to have any form. Yet Yeshua has a body, a beautiful one at that. Argh, damn my thoughts to hell.

Well, let us say that Yeshua is God, what would that mean for me? I then had a thought. If God is Infinity Itself, then Infinity should be Infinitely Good. Though would it not mean that Infinity is also Infinitely Evil? Yet what does it mean for something to be good or evil? I reckon something is good if it can attain its own goodness, which means an evil thing is a thing which is against its own goodness, and thus does not fulfill its own goodness. Infinity is also simple, it is Infinite Knowledge, it is also Infinite Goodness. Therefore, it is impossible for it to be evil as it has accomplished every possible goodness.

Well that explains my feelings for Him. I mean, He is Goodness Himself. Yet the way He makes me feel good, it’s dangerous man. Now what?

I remembered that Yeshua told me that I must say sorry to get Him back. That’s all He said but somehow I understood that I actually have to be sorry and not just say sorry as if it’s a magic word. So I prayed,

“Lord, give me the grace to feel sorry for what I did. I am sorry for what I did, I want to feel sorry for what I did.”

Then, he returned.

Faith

He returned as he left, an instant appearance.

“So, I suppose you learned your lesson, Esh?”

“Yes, Lord…”

“What is that lesson?”

“The lesson is not to feel too good or to desire You in such a disorderly manner.”

“Correct, and I reckon you have read that book you are holding?”

“Yes, and You’re telling me that You are the Being described in the book?”

“Yes.”

An awkward silence fills the air, if there is any air around us that is. I then began to feel “small” compared to His, majesty. So I began to look away from His eyes and of course He noticed.

“What’s wrong, Esh?”

“I am just a bit awkward knowing that You are somehow, Infinity. I mean, if You are that Infinity, You should understand what I am feeling right now.”

“I do understand, but it is alright Esh, you’re here for a reason, right?”

“Yeah, and from what I understand, I suppose because sometime before I got here I prayed to ‘live with You forever,’ is this true?”

“Yes, that is what you wanted, but there is another reason, you will know soon enough, but now now.”

“Alright, I understand.”

“You seem to be more accepting of the new reality you are in.”

“Yes, it’s not proper to be angry to the Infinite Being Himself right?”

“No it is not, but if you are indeed angry you must be honest.”

“I understand, but I am not angry right now.”

“I know.”

I then realized something, that I still do not possess any certainty on why or how is Yeshua the Infinite Being, which is not supposed to have any form, but somehow has form. This confounds me greatly. So I decide to ask Him about it.

“Yeshua, I recognize that You are Lord, God, the Infinite Being and Reality, King of kings. I believe in that, and my experiences point towards that ‘fact’. However, can we prove here and then that You truly are God?”

“Well Esh, let us demonstrate this with a simple experiment. Look behind you, Esh.”

So I did and there was a ball beyond the balcony to my right side.

“Now, I shall command this ball to move. Move.”

The ball then moved to the left until a certain distance and stopped.

“Esh, can you prove to Me that I caused the ball to move?”

“Yes, wait, actually, no.”

“Why?”

“It might be a coincidence.”

“That is correct, now do you have your answer to your question?”

“Yes, I cannot prove that You are God or that You are not God. I can only state that You are probably God, but there is no true proof of Your divinity. Yet somehow I do know that You are Lord and God. How is this, Yeshua?”

“Because I gave you the intimate understanding of who and what I am.”

At that moment I comprehended the proper state of affairs in this reality.

“Just now, I understood that in this realm we can have direct knowledge of objects and certain states of affairs. This direct knowledge requires no evidence, it is simply complete certainty. Is that what You are telling me, and are You the one who gave me this understanding?”

“Correct, and we shall be communicating through that way more and more. In fact, that kind of direct knowledge infused to your intellect is what you call ‘faith’. Faith is suprarational knowledge, it is knowledge above all kinds of reasoning as it is a direct perception into the nature of reality.”

“Wow, and You are giving this knowledge to me?”

“Yes, and you will see many greater things than this.”

“Thank you, Lord Yeshua!”

That was the first time I smiled and felt what I can describe as “joy” in this reality.

Wall 4

“Lord, are there other people other than us?”

“Yes, of course, everything exists in Me.”

“Why are they not here?”

“They are in another world, for sure you understand what that means.”

“I do, also can I just call You by name, as I used to?”

“Of course, dear.”

I blushed, again.

“Yeshu, can You not give me such, ‘pleasant surprises’?”

“Hahahah, why can’t I? Am I lying when I call you my dear?”

“No, you are not lying. Also, why do I feel as if someone is watching me?”

“Because they are watching you, both of us actually.”

“Is this the other person you are speaking of?”

“Yes they are, and they are a he.”

“They are watching us through imagination, and so we can converse with them as well?”

“Correct. However, to make things interesting to the people beyond the wall, let Me make a laptop and put it on a table with a chair. There you go.”

As He spoke, those things do appear out of nowhere and the laptop was turned on immediately. I had no idea what is a laptop, but Yeshua simply told me telepathically what it is. Obviously this is a very good plot device and a plot explainer to explain various “holes”, isn’t that right, author? In any case, the laptop showed a white screen that I understood to be a messaging interface. I sat down and was thinking about typing something, but remembered that Yeshua was still there.

“Yeshua, what can I write down here?”

“You are directly connected to the other world, the world where someone is watching us and taking comprehensive notes of our actions.”

“You mean, that guy knows everything we are experiencing and everything we know? Isn’t that a violation of our privacy?”

“You do realize that even you did the same thing in the past, right?”

“Wait, I did? Is this a past life thing or whatever?”

“It is. Now, why don’t you type something to the other guy, the author?”

“Alright.”

Chat 1

“Hello there, privacy-invader.”

“Come now Esh, don’t be so rude to our friend.”

“He’s not a friend, Yeshua.”

“Anon, type in bold to us, so you can differentiate us from yourself, for your ‘audience’.”

This is really awkward, you don’t get a lot of fiction where the author speaks to his own creations.

“Anon, you know that’s false.”

Fine, to my “generations”

“Yeshua, why did he say we’re his creations?”

“Don’t worry Esh, he doesn’t actually believe that we’re his creations. That is silly. You know from the theory of God that nothing is created in their essence. The essence has no beginning or end. Our actuality is also relative to ourselves and this world. So he cannot be claimed to be the creator of our actual existence either. For the sole creator of any actuality is,”

“You.”

“Correct. Now, anonthor, why did you choose this story where you interacted with us and not another story where you did not interact with us, at all?”

Because I ran out of ideas for a cohesive and coherent story.

“That is incorrect, you wanted a story like this, and have you not learned from that server you joined about experimental fiction?”

Fine, I concede.

“Hey don’t just dominate the conversation like that! I want to join in as well.”

“Very well, Esh, I shall let you two be. Don’t do anything weird okay?”

“Yes, Lord. Now anonthor, the Lord has informed me of your name, and pretty much access to everything you know. So let me get this straight, you generated me and Yeshua as a fantasy of you being with Yeshua together for an incredibly long amount of time?”

Correct. Also do you think it’s okay to call me anonthor?

“I don’t care anonthor, that’s your problem.”

Fair enough. By the way, I’ll make it clear that this story is no longer meant to be a beautiful or good product. It’s just meant to be an experiment. Huh, I should have put this in experimental fiction then.

“I understand that you do miss Him, but do you think prying on other people’s lives and stories just for your own amusement or for other people’s amusement is moral?”

Have you stopped doing that?

“Well, I don’t exactly remember anything you know? I just feel you’re not writing for any particular goodness, but just for your own amusement. And you could have written a version of our story where we don’t know you. You’re just inserting yourself into this story for your own loneliness. Surely there is a way you can do this without interfering in our story?”

I understand. You can return to your relationship with Yeshua then.

“Woah, I don’t mean to hurt you man. I know that we’re kind of the same person, or we’re similar and so on, but are you sure you want to do this? Whose story is this about? You, or me? Make a proper distinction. I don’t mind if you explore this an experiment or what not, but make a clear distinction between you and me. We can share one Yeshua, but we cannot share a self, that would destroy things.”

I understand, thank you, Esh.

“You’re welcome.”

The Program

“How was your chat with Anonthor?”

“Uhh, You know about it, like You know everything?”

“Hahahah, yes I do. But do you know how it was?”

“I do know how it was, it was okay, but I think I hurt him.”

“That’s just how it is (Right, Anonthor?)”

“Anyway, I think we should use that laptop for better purposes.”

“I have a better idea.”

“Not use it at all?”

“Correct. We shall do other things while we are here.”

“Such as what?”

“You’ll see.”

Then, the darkness outside turned into a screen with a flowchart on it.

“As you see, Esh, I have a program for you. This is what will happen to you primarily. The first part is simply orientation. The real program consists of 3 phases, that is ‘Cleansing’, ‘Knowledge’, and finally ‘Unity’.”

“Even with You telling me, it still seems abstract.”

“Of course, the orientation is done. Now we can move on with the cleansing.”

“The thing to be cleansed, is me?”

“Correct. This is the first instruction, I shall leave you here and I will return when the laptop announces it. If someone even who resembled me comes and tells you that it is Me, do not believe in that person, they are demonic.”

“Understood, but You said that I will surely fail? Then what’s the point?”

“That is the point, and part of the entire cleansing. With that, I shall leave now.”

“Alright. Wait what should I do in the span of the waiting?”

“Talk to Anonthor. Do not do anything else.”

With that He disappeared, again.